Let’s be honest. Arguments are part of life. Whether it’s a serious disagreement at work or a heated moment with someone close to you, the way you speak during an argument says a lot about you. And here’s the interesting part — truly smart people often stand out not by what they say, but by what they avoid saying.
If you’re trying to sound emotionally intelligent and reasonable, steer clear of these 10 common phrases that tend to do more harm than good.
1. “Whatever”
This word is the ultimate conversation shutdown. It doesn’t solve anything. It just dismisses the other person’s point and signals that you’re checking out of the discussion. A more thoughtful approach would be, “I need a moment to think about this,” or “Let’s take a break and come back to this.”
2. “You always” or “You never”
Nothing puts someone on the defensive faster than sweeping generalizations. Nobody always or never does anything. It’s unfair and usually untrue. Instead, smart people use specific examples. Try something like, “I’ve noticed this has happened a few times, and it’s starting to concern me.”
3. “Calm down”
It never works. Telling someone to calm down usually has the opposite effect. It can come across as dismissive and patronizing. A better way to handle the situation is by acknowledging their emotion. You could say, “I can see this is really important to you. Let’s talk it through.”
4. “That’s stupid”
This one is a direct hit. It doesn’t just attack the idea. It attacks the person behind the idea. Intelligent people know how to challenge thoughts without being disrespectful. You might say, “I’m not sure I agree with that. Can we look at it another way?”
5. “You’re being too emotional”
This phrase invalidates the other person’s feelings. Nobody likes to be told that their emotions are too much. Smart communicators focus on understanding rather than judging. Try something like, “It seems like this has really affected you. Let’s talk about it.”
6. “It’s not a big deal”
That may be true for you, but it may not be true for the other person. Saying this can make people feel like their concerns don’t matter. A more thoughtful approach would be, “It doesn’t feel major to me, but I want to understand why it matters to you.”
7. “You wouldn’t understand”
This is another phrase that shuts people out. It suggests they’re not smart enough or close enough to relate. Smart people find a way to include others in the conversation. You can say, “It’s a bit tricky, but let me try to explain where I’m coming from.”
8. “This is just how I am”
This sounds like an excuse to avoid growth. Saying this implies that you’re not open to change, even if you’re in the wrong. People who are emotionally intelligent are willing to reflect and improve. They say things like, “I’m working on that,” or “I know I have to do better in that area.”
9. “I’m done talking about this”
There are times when you need to pause an argument, but slamming the door on a conversation doesn’t solve anything. Rather than ending it abruptly, smart people set boundaries in a respectful way. Try, “Can we continue this when we’re both calmer?”
10. “You’re overreacting”
This phrase tells someone that their feelings aren’t valid. That can make things worse. Emotionally intelligent people ask questions instead. You might say, “Can you help me understand why you feel that way?” or “What’s really upsetting you here?”
Let’s wrap up
Being smart in an argument isn’t about having the sharpest words or the final say. It’s about staying grounded, listening well, and speaking with purpose. The words you choose can either build a bridge or burn it down.
So the next time you’re in a tense discussion, remember that it’s not just about what you say. It’s about how you say it — and more importantly, what you leave out.